My beating heart

Last week I visited my cardiologist. There were a couple of reasons, the primary being I never went for my follow up in December but also because I have been having a few more episodes lately and my anxiety has definately increased.

Basically I was told that he isn't one for anxiety medication and exercise, meditation or yoga is a better outlet. Sigh. SIGH. It isn't that I want to be on medication but I was hoping to remedy the problem. I can't just stop what I'm doing and do 100 jumping jacks when a panic attack comes on suddenly.

Then I ask the question that has been on my mind since this whole thing started. The baby question. I was told that I am curable, which is fabulous, but the only way he sees it safe for me to go through another pregnancy is to have an ablation done.

I am waiting to get an appointment with the cardiac electrophysiologist recommended to me. It is at least two months just to talk to the specialist to go over my charts, confirm this would be the only safe way to proceed with a second child, and then take the next steps.

Part of me doesn't even want to go to the specialist. If I pretend the problem doesn't exist it will just go away right? Surgery, medical procedures and the like scare the crap out of me. So you can imagine my fear, worries and anxiety when it is something being done to my heart.

But then I think...I'd love to have a normal beating heart. I have always thought there was something wrong with the way mine sounded. I remember being at the Liberty Science Center when I was a teenager. One of the interactive activities was a spot you stood still for a moment and you could hear your heartbeat. In fact everyone around you could hear it. So we waited for our turn. Person after person the rhythms sounded similar. Then it was my turn. I stood still and what I heard was alarming to me. The beat was off, uneven and it just didn't sound right. I swear I ran off the spot and pretended nothing was wrong but I carried that with me for years.

Nothing was ever found wrong by any doctor during a standard checkup, visit for a cold, or bladder infection.

It wasn't until Nina was born that I really started to have problems.

Now I am presented with a very real possibility of being cured. Of having a normal heart. Of being able to have a second child.

But the risks of blood clots that could lead to stroke or the need for a pacemaker nearly paralyzes me.

I suppose for now all I can do is wait until I can talk to the doctor and get a clearer picture of what the procedure would mean for me specifically.

So there is something wrong with me!

This morning I had my first appointment with a cardiologist. I was nervous and didn't want to go but knew I needed to.

On the way to the doctor's office I was having what I consider mild heart palpitations. I checked in and waited to see the nurse. When I saw her I told her I was having palpitations right then so she hooked me up to the machine immediately. She unhooked me and the doctor came in and he asked if I drove myself to which I answered no, my husband drove me. He said to have him come in. I said no it's okay he is out in the waiting room with our daughter. Then he says oh she can come in too and I still say no it's okay I don't need them in here. He says well you aren't staying here I am sending you to the ER. Boy, Am I thick!

While the doctor was explaining what was going on with me, I was having a heart arrhythmia, I was a bit emotional. I tried not to cry but I knew a few tears escaped despite me trying to hold it back. So off we went - Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, Go Directly to the ER.

When we got to the hospital the doctor was actually waiting for us as the nurse pushed my wheelchair down the hall. I got changed into a hospital gown and then a team of nurses got busy hooking this and that up to me. My heart rate had reached 237 at the height of things, it had been 193 at the cardiologist. The doctor explained the medicine he was giving me would make me feel very weird and uncomfortable but only for a few seconds. They gave me the Adenosine and within a moment I felt a funky warm sensation across my body, primarily my chest. The one nurse was holding my hand and someone was saying just another second. Just like that my heart rate slowed down and in minutes I felt "normal".

Hubby and the Bub stayed in the room with me for a while. I had the Bub on my lap in the hospital bed while she watched Dora with me for a few minutes. Then they left cause I was going to be in there a couple of hours being observed.

I watched bad court TV, gave urine for a pregnancy test, had a chest X-Ray, had an adorable doctor come into my room by mistake and chatted with my nurse about our dogs (her labs and my yorkie and chi.).

Next thing I know the doctor tending to me comes into the room and says I'm good to go home once they get my meds. The nurse comes in again and tells me to avoid stress (ha, how is that going to happen I have a 19 month old, 2 little dogs, a husband and work with my parents!) and gives me Potassium since the bloodwork shows it's low.

A yellow paper is handed to me and I finally have an answer. I know what is wrong with me. Tachycardia, Paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia (PSVT) to be exact. I was so relieved that I had an answer I actually said to the nurse, "So this it what's wrong with me?". lol.

While I was waiting for Hubby to get to the hospital I spoke to both the nurse and doctor again. I also got my first dose of medication, Diltiazem ER along with a one month prescription.

So I guess now I wait, go for my follow up visit in two weeks and see what happens. I am hopeful that this will be it and I can move on with a normal life. I have felt so off for the last year and a half I don't even know how I am supposed to feel. Last night I was over analyzing everything I felt. But I was able to get some sleep.

Adding to our family is going to have to wait a bit. We need to see if this can be controlled and if that is something we can safely do down the road. For now I just want to enjoy my family and day to day life while not feeling sick.